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Category: Testimonies
Topic: I wish I had the faith that you do...sisters oregon

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I am not sure why I am writing you. Maybe its because I have always wished that I had the kind of faith that you seem to have in God. I am not a Christian, not even religion for that matter. Its not that I hate god or even that I do not believe in christ. I have just never felt god in my heart. I do not know how to explain it. I have heard so many Christians talk about feeling the spirit of god and being moved by christ to do something but I have just never FELT god at all. It seems to me that religion is so hypocritical and I do not want to be a part of that. I think if I were to say that I am christian or be religious it would be like I was living a lie because it would just be words. I am not sure if I am just different or if the people that say that they feel god are just making it up to look like good christian. Anyway, your book touched me in a way I cant explain. I truly want to make an impact on the world and do something that will change peoples lives. Since I was little I have felt I am here for a reason, for something important but I think before I can help anyone, I have to be a genuine and sincere person. I am not even sure what is good, what is right and wrong, or even who I am. I know I cant help anyone until I know who I am and what I believe. After all, the people who have inspired me have been the ones who are solid in their faith, whatever that might be, and completely sincere in their compassion and love. Sometimes I feel like I am just like those people you describe in your book, just going along in a life without really living it. Its like I am half asleep and I realize that I am just sort of existing, but I do not know how to wake up. Your book inspired me, you seemed to be really tasting life, be it good or bad, you were discovering yourselves and life and god. I have just graduated high school. In fact, I went to school with Sam. He probably does not remember me cuz I was a freshman but I remember him coming to the Hanger (youth group) and talking. When they gave us this book on grad night, I thumbed through it and recognized his face. I feel totally lost and your story gave me something to think about. Something real. Iv lived such a good life, but I do not have a clue. I went to India last year and thought somehow that would make everything clear for me. Instead, I was introduced to a whole new side of the world and came back even more confused then before. I thought I was a decent person, but I have never really been tested. I never had to sacrifice everything for what I believe or do something selfless and completely. My giving and kindness has always been safe and easy. Maybe deep down I have a sneaking suspicion that I m fundamentally weak person, weak in character and weak in my compassion. Maybe my good intentions are just a pretense, maybe Im just aa self centered and lazy person. That though terrifies me and makes me ashamed of myself. I do not want to be like that. You are so lucky to have such a strong faith

Posted: 2005-11-15 19:33:00

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