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Category: Welcome
Topic: I just read the book!

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rainbow heart

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I really enjoyed your book. A lady at my church read it and recommended it to another church member. That church member handed the book to me since she knows that I am interested in helping others. I read your book in around a week. I will hand it back to my fellow church member so that she can read it now.

My church has a ministry to people in a local work release jail but we are struggling financially. I have always fantasized about doing such an adventure as you did but I can't leave my apartment. I mean my landlord would think that I have "abandoned" the place and I'd really be homeless. I have always feared having to ask for help from others. I am having to do that some and feel humiliated by the act of asking for heating assistance. I just want it to help keep my rainy day fund from drying up. How does one ever get to where they don't feel unworthy of help. I sometimes catch my mind saying over and over "unworthy." I sometimes think that the fact that I make a little over poverty level for a single person is a sign that there is something wrong with me. I have ceased to tithe. I almost give nothing to church except time and prayer. Please pray for my church's finances. I think we may need a miracle since we only have enough from the land sale to last one more year. I don't think we have much else to sell except for our building of course. My pastor thinks that rent to hold services elsewhere wouldn't be cheaper than our mortgage.

I have always wanted to help others but I feel that I am only able to pray. I used to run into the homeless at times but my city has made it so that they have to hide now. People can get fined for panhandling. I haven't seen signs of them anymore. I used to volunteer at a homeless shelter but it felt more like a large family home. They would gather around and go through the clothes donations. I always enjoyed watching them shop through the clothes. They'd find something that another might like and hold it up for them to look at. The police tell people to keep moving or maybe even arrest for vagrancy. I am not sure on the arrest part. A friend who was on probation who wanted to spend the night with me told me that. I had to say, "No." because I was having emotional/sleeping problems. I felt so guilty that I got caught by some passerby hugging a street lamp. I just get depressed sometimes.

Sorry about the long post. I am so full of a desire to help others (God put it in my heart as a little child) and no idea on how to do it.

I remember a guy who used to sit on a bench every nice morning. I'd always say something to him. One time, I sat beside him to eat a bakery item. He asked me for the wrap to throw it away for me. He took it and folded it up real neatly. I knew that he wouldn't throw it away. He was planning on keeping it. I think he must have dropped it by accident and I picked it back up and handed it back. I made sure not to point out the trash can and allowed him to keep up the fiction that he was going to throw it away for me.

One time, another guy encouraged me while we sat in the rain. Later, a bus driver asked me if the guy had bothered me. He was a guy that I used to give money to because he was polite in his requests. I have had others that made me suspicious and used to give. Now, they hide as I said before. We look like we don't have homelessness unless you look at the waiting list for the shelters.

Posted: 2011-01-12 18:58:20

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